


soft [sun side]

by spacedouche



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-19 04:18:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9418166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacedouche/pseuds/spacedouche
Summary: it wasn’t a world she expected herself to be in





	1. love is awesome

She’s not used to it. Really, she’s an outlier among the others, she feels, because this wasn’t her goal, and it definitely wasn’t her in her life plans.

It wasn’t a world she expected herself to be in, but it also wasn’t a world that she minded. It was just quite amazing, the role she was placed in and found herself growing into. She was the youngest in her family, and had expected to be the youngest in her workplace, once she finally broke into her career. And yet, after a decision on a dime and quite some time later she had become the leader and oldest of three other girls.

One girl in particular. It’s like they were literally pulled from the same mold and flipped.

Byulyi had wanted this since she was in middle school. Byulyi was the oldest of her family.

In the presence of Yongsun, Byulyi was delicate like she wasn’t ready for the world to be watching.

Yongsun couldn’t really place where it started, she only knew that she didn’t really want it to end, despite not knowing what _it_ actually was.

It was Byulyi, of course. Somewhere along the line she had become strangely possessive of the other’s touch.

It made her feel special, the absolute devotion. Byulyi’s touches left grins and a fluttering in her center and, god, when Byulyi looked at her, Yongsun could barely think enough to breathe and tear her gaze away. She could drown in it. Yongsun didn’t know how Byulyi did it, bleed adoration. It made her feel loved.

When Byulyi got handsy with others, it took away from that feeling.

That’s another thing that’s different about her. Physical affection, she’s not as good at it. Yongsun figures Wheein and Hyejin are used to if from each other, and just translate that to her and Byulyi too. But they still touch each other more. It’s hard to measure up to eight years of friendship. Byulyi though, is unreserved no matter who it is. It just so happens Yongsun is the most readily available. In the beginning, Yongsun was glad that Byulyi was latching onto her, it made her feel dependable; it made her more confident in her role as leader.

Now, Yongsun feels lucky, and she feels grateful that something as arbitrary as which side of their faces look better put them in that position. That because of it, she has hands to keep her warm, to keep her safe, to bring her home, to hold on to her and say “you belong here”.

Yongsun never thought she’d end up where she was, but Byulyi made her wonder why she would ever be anywhere else.


	2. love is awesome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once upon a time i knew what i wanted to write and that time lasted for like 3 seconds

Other people aren’t allowed to know. Right?

Not about the hands that have touched every surface of her body, or how they’re always with each other even off camera, or that they stare at each other for who knows how long, just taking it in, and well, they’re probably definitely not allowed to know about how some nights, Byulyi is just centimeters away from kissing her in full.

Yongsun is confused. She’s always been reserved, but somehow being with Byulyi makes her forget this critical personality trait. She’s still way more held back, but it’s not much to speak of considering Byulyi practically has zero restraint.

There’s definitely something weird with their relationship. She can’t put her finger on what it is, and she kind of doesn’t want to. Byulyi’s adoration makes her nervous.

It’s become such a natural comfort that Yongsun always wants it. She wants it in the morning when she’s woken up with giggles instead of a blaring alarm. She wants it when she’s eating, because they’ll feed each other even if they have the same dish (which they usually do). She wants it in the car, because Byulyi’s much softer than the leather seats. She wants it at night, because for such a slight build Byulyi is so warm.

She wants it when they’re writing, when Byulyi’s words are spun so beautifully Yongsun entertains the idea they might be about herself and smiles. She wants it when she makes a mistake and Byulyi’s hand is on her back before she knows it and she remembers it’s not the end of the world. She wants it whenever Byulyi is there and she wants it even more when she’s not. She has even wanted it when the cameras were on and everyone could see. When Byulyi looked at her, it was like she forgot the world was watching.

She thinks it’s probably selfish of her. Byulyi keeps giving and giving and Yongsun wants it all, but is it hers? She feels like Byulyi has love spewing out of her every pore and Yongsuns taking a net and catching it all for herself.

She’s not sure what Byulyi wants from her exactly, and she doesn’t even know what she wants from Byulyi. She only knows whatever it is, she doesn’t want anyone else to have it, and she feels a little guilty about that.

Byulyi calls her a princess. Yongsun thinks it’s probably giving her bad habits. Byulyi waits on Yongsun and Yongsun waits for Byulyi to give her something.

She wants her attention.

She wants an answer.

She wants

She wants

_I want you._


	3. soft, just like she knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yongsun thinks about her feelings

Yongsun’s been feeling it. This past week, Byulyi has camped out at her place because well, two-thirds of Byulyi’s closet is integrated with hers now and her toothbrush is here and those things really just speak for themselves.

Byulyi’s stayed over more times than she could count, but usually it was only a day or two, or it would have been a week of heavy activity and it was easier to just crawl into Yongsun’s bed rather than walking the extra 10 minutes to get home.

It took 3 days of not doing a whole lot for her to realize something. She and Byulyi, they were really…domestic. Byulyi actually brought some structure to her otherwise listless break schedule. She had the drive to do things other than sleep, and Yongsun was grateful. She knew they all had a habit of sliding into depressive moods if they were inactive. There wasn’t even anything special that they did. Though maybe it was Byulyi that made the mundane special. At some point, Yongsun realized Byulyi was why she woke up in the mornings.

She could almost say it was perfect. Almost.

It was driving Yongsun mad. Like a coil that’d been winding and winding and surely when it’s released, will whip her with all the power it’s built up, it’s put all her senses on high alert. She’d been cowering in its presence and she’s excited.

She feels it in her toes, something sparkly yet fuzzy, and she’s afraid, like she’s anticipating a wonderful gift but it might not even be hers. That’s why she has to keep on her toes, she has to catch it or it’ll slap her in the face or fly right past her. She isn’t scared of taking it head on, she’s scared missing it and being helpless to do anything but watch it leave.

Trying to grab at it is not an option. It might run away. Yongsun’s not sure of herself enough of try to coax Byulyi to do something, but at night when they’re pressed close it’s all she can do to keep from asking “please kiss me”.

Yongsun knows Byulyi loves her. She knows Byulyi wants her, but she knows the moment she gives in a little bit she’ll be torn open and left raw. She doesn’t know if she can survive being exposed like that. It’ll leave her empty. But she thinks if Byulyi guides her, she knows all the safe places to step, she’ll make sure Yongsun stays on her feet, and she’ll protect her. She always does.

Byulyi’s seen her naked almost every time they share a room, but it’s not the same. Byulyi sees her body all the time but Yongsun wonders how often and how clearly Byulyi can see her heart.

The week is near its end. Yongsun is getting impatient that nothing has happened yet so she’s scared nothing will. But Byulyi is so lovely every day that sometimes, when she wakes from her dreams, It has already happened, and she touches, kisses as she wants, but then she wakes up a little more and she realizes that no, nothing’s happened. Nothing definite.

When they talk before bed, she’s careful with her words but also hopes she’ll be muddled by sleep enough that she lets it slip. It would be so easy. It would be too easy. Byul deserves more than half-asleep confessions in the dark. She deserves the truth.

Yongsun doesn’t have the truth with her. Her truth is in Byulyi.

She’s fallen asleep again. Byulyi’s arms are warm around her. Yongsun usually feels like she can’t quite relax when she’s sleeping with others, but not with Byulyi. With Byulyi it’s always on clouds, the feeling of something fluffy and warm and it soothes her gently. She knows the night is crucial. It’s the only time Byulyi strokes the outlines of her face, draws circles on her back over and over, lightly presses rhythms with the pads or her fingers.

But Yongsun can’t help from drifting, because at the end of the day while Byulyi mounts all her anxiety she also releases it, so Yongsun relishes in being able to let some of that go, to lay safe in those arms, even if they tremble.

She stirs when Byulyi breaks pattern, and just holds her palm against Yongsun’s face. She’s not cognizant enough to realize that this is the change she’d been waiting for for so long.

Something escapes Byulyi like a sweet nothing, and Yongsun wants to hear more, so she curls in, makes herself small so she’s completely enveloped by Byulyi’s love.

And then she realizes. Byulyi’s got one foot raised to take a step. Yongsun had always thought Byulyi would know where to go, where the end all is, but then she realizes right now, quite literally, they’re both in the dark.

She feels Byulyi’s name form in the back of her throat and escape through her lips. It pokes a hole in the container carrying the feelings she’d been compacting and she almost panics. No no no no no no no, she can’t let them free yet, they’re bubbling up but nothing’s happened yet, she can’t let them be wasted out in the open, she’d been saving them all so when Byulyi finally finally finally-

She’d be able give Byulyi all the love she deserved.

Byulyi narrows the distance between them and repeats herself. Yongsun feels the weight of her words and the sparkle in her eyes is like stars, of course. Yongsun feels something significant in the air but she’s preoccupied now because her love is about to escape and then

Byulyi kisses her, she breathes in all the love Yongsun has for her and not a drop of it breaks out. It pours and mixes with Byulyi’s love and surrounds them like an atmostphere.

It’s soft, just like she knew it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where would i be without gratuitous metaphor? dead probably
> 
> possible epilogue in the future and maybe i'll write more after tha

**Author's Note:**

> this is even less edited lmaooooooo


End file.
